Our lives are marked by a series of milestones. For me thus far, the most momentous have been the births of my children and death of my father. I guess it makes sense that we are changed forever as our closest loved ones pass in and out of our lives.
My dad James Sai Wing Wong fought bravely to the end with his heart condition, but ultimately passed away peacefully on February 16, 2025 at the age of 84.
Growing up
My father was born near Shanghai in 1940 during a tumultuous time when China was engaged in transitioning through its last dynasty. His family fled to Hong Kong in 1949 with many others, leaving everything behind—all but what they could carry and a handful of connections (guanxi 关系) that would be the only means of survival.
My dad turned out to be an extraordinarily gifted scholar, becoming valedictorian of the Hong Kong public secondary school certification exam in 1957. He went on to complete a PhD in Mathematics at Caltech, and became a full professor at the age of 30. Although he left his full-time academic career when he moved back to become a businessman in the 1970s, he continued to teach and contribute to the field of Mathematics as a “side gig” well into his 70s, and published more than 100 papers.
He taught me about the value of education, respect, and integrity
One of my earliest memories as a pre-K child was being locked in a room to memorize the multiplication table. It didn’t work. So I guess I’ll never know if I was always destined to be bad at math, or if that early trauma may have induced some kind of fugue or dyslexic state that made numbers perpetually difficult for me. In any case, by the time I was in elementary school, my dad had given up on me being a math prodigy and seemed to accept the fact that I would never remotely approach the level of talent in his least gifted student.
But I would argue that what I actually learned from him was way more valuable than anything that could be taught in a classroom. As with any kid, I couldn’t help but absorb lessons about life from my parents. I learned how to observe and analyze situations, how to approach finding solutions, and how to show up in the world. My dad unconsciously taught me much of what I know today about the value of education, respect, integrity, love, and mentorship.
Truth
One of the best examples of my dad’s style of mentorship comes from the first semester of my freshman year at the University of Iowa. My dad had actually served on the faculty of that Math department himself only a decade before, so I have to believe that he was somewhat anxious to have his daughter show up as a good student amongst his former colleagues.
It was maybe a month into my first term when I was chatting on the phone with my dad from Hong Kong and he asked me how I had done on my first Precalculus midterm. So I told him that I got a D. The silence on the other end of the phone line was so profound that I thought the call had dropped. “Hello? Are you there?”
I’ve never forgotten that most valuable lesson he taught me then. Instead of wasting time with whys and recriminations on that expensive long-distance call, he simply told me to drop that class immediately and to take it again next term when I had my act together.
He taught me to know myself and to own my truth
He was teaching me to know myself and to own my truth.
Okay, so I wasn’t going to be good at math. We’d already figured that out. I needed to play to my strengths and cut my losses. I learned that it takes courage to face the truth, to know when to call it quits, and when to come back to fight another day. I went on to get an “A” not only in Precalculus, but also straight “A’s” in the whole Calculus series.
Fairness
What my dad taught me about fairness was that it was important to create win-wins whenever possible, because any relationship is ultimately about mutual respect. He wanted me to think for myself and about my role in the broader context of society. And he encouraged me to think through how to achieve better and greater impact for others, rather than focusing on personal gain.
When I was near the end of my medical training at UCLA. I was offered a faculty position—this seemed crazy, because I was still on maternity leave and my career path was uncertain. In those days, it was common for women to interrupt their careers in order to take a few years to raise kids.
But he knew that this wasn’t the kind of opportunity that would come around again, and that I’d grow and thrive in the academic setting. So he dared me to negotiate for the terms I needed in order to take the job and still care for my baby.
My dad taught me that it was important to create win-wins
And that’s how I became the youngest person to ever join the UCLA faculty of medicine, as well as the first to hold a part-time position. I believe that he was quite proud that I went on to prove that he was right about how much I would love academic medicine, as I’m still teaching on the Faculty of Medicine at the University of Hong Kong.
Freedom
There are many ways to think about freedom. For my dad, I think it meant being able to make choices that are in integrity with our heart’s desire, and to create freedom for ourselves through hard work and thoughtful planning. He loved the freedom of enjoying life’s simplest pleasures, as well as the freedom to build even more freedom by following our wildest ambitions.
One of my favorite memories of my dad was going to the movies together as a family in Causeway Bay. He loved James Bond and kung fu movies best. We’d stop for a coke and “nutty buddy” (which are those paper-wrapped ice cream cones in the freezer case). Afterwards, we’d have dinner at the Queen’s Cafe, which was run by a Russian-trained Shanghainese chef.
When my dad first left academia to work in business, he could never have dreamed that he would one day become a successful real estate developer in China. It took decades for him to gradually accrue experience and connections across economic tides like the Asian financial crisis. But regardless of his successes or failures, whether in business or scholarship, my dad never forgot his humble refugee childhood. Nor did he ever lose that burning desire to do and be more, and to make his family proud.
Beyond grateful
Anyone who knew my dad could attest to the fact that he was a complicated man who often did things that were not-so-easy to understand. Like when he mentored me through my premed and medical school education, but then refused to come to my graduation.
I felt confused and abandoned at the time, but eventually came to see that his decisions then had less to do with me, and were more a direct result of my parents’ impending separation and divorce. Decades later, I even came to appreciate that I was one of the lucky few that he held close and loved unconditionally.
I’m beyond grateful to have had the opportunity to take care of him over this past decade. It was truly a blessing to have been in medicine here in Hong Kong with access to top notch doctors and nurses, providing a level of care that simply no longer exists anywhere else in the world.
My father was a remarkably talented multi-hyphenate before the term was invented or even thought of. He excelled in the realms of business/property development, pure Mathematics, Chinese literature, and even table tennis. I look forward to honoring his legacy by continuing to share his love of Truth, Fairness, and Freedom.
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